INTENTIONAL MARRIAGE PREP | Go from vendor talk to forever talk.
When you’re engaged it’s easy to get wrapped up in wedding planning. People are constantly asking you when, where, and how you are going to do ALL THE THINGS, and there’s a list. There are lists and how to’s everywhere telling you when and how you need to: book a venue, find a dress, send out save the dates, book your photographer, and on and on and on.
So it’s easy to get wrapped up daily in talking about planning with your partner day in and day out. Soon your conversations you used to have about all the day to day stuff go out the window and you’re hyper focused and talking about your wedding ALL. THE. TIME.
Now, don’t get me wrong, planning talk is and can be fun and it logistically has to happen. Totally agree. But, don’t let it dominate your conversations, your life, or your relationship.
So during your engagement season let’s turn the habitual vendor talk into forever talk.
Turn Habitual vendor talk into forever talk.
One of the biggest things you can do to create intentional conversations together is to:
Put away your phones, turn off the tv, and go for regular (totally unplugged) walks or find somewhere you can spend quiet time together. Spend this time getting to know your partner and talking with them about their life goals, career goals, expectations in the relationship etc.
Let me tell you, the first time I was engaged we did NOT have these conversations prior to saying “YES!” and once I tried to start having them I quickly realized…we are not on the same page. We have totally different life aspirations, parenting ideals, career goals, etc. He wanted me to be a stay at home mom and that was not something I EVER wanted to do…we were just not on the same page and had different ideals of what our partners role was in a marriage. I just couldn’t see how we could make it work.
And that’s my fault, I should have had more conversations about our relationship and marriage more before doing ANY wedding planning. So…
A few things Joel and I regularly talk about on our walks that I hope can help you too in this season of planning, and heck if you’re in any stage of a relationship I think these are critical conversations to have regularly.
First, weekly we rate our relationship. We’ll share with each other on a scale of 1 to 10 where we feel our relationship is at that week and why. This helps us start a dialog to talk about anything that might be going really well or things we need to work on. Then we often talk about the following…
01 | What do we expect from each other day in and day out? How can we improve and grow from where we are today?
02 | What are our spiritual lives like? What is important to us? What are non-negotiables in our belief system and in our relationship?
03 | What do we both want in our careers? What will that look like in the long run? How can we support each other on those journeys and get to where we want to go?
04 | Where do we want to live? Are we open to moving for our careers? Are we not? How can we support each other through transitions?
05 | Do we think we want a family someday? What are our expectations of each other if we did have kids?
If you can regularly check-in with each other and have these conversations you’ll work on building a solid foundation where you are both really clear on where you are at and where you want to go.
P.S. – Set aside times to have focused wedding planning talk with your significant other. This allows both of you to know exactly when you’ll be having all the how, when, where, and what conversations that need to be had, but it doesn’t have to happen every day after work. 🙂
We’ll be back tomorrow with another round of intentional marriage prep!